# Why are we so mean in the comments? ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments.webp]] **Creator:** Joel is Curious · **Published:** 2026-11-03 · **Length:** 4:21 (YouTube video, vertical) · [Watch on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw) > Caption source: **YouTube auto-generated English captions (en-orig)**, fetched with yt-dlp (android_vr client) on the first try. No TubeAlfred credits were used. Timestamps are from the captions; speech starts at about 0:04. This is the channel's first upload that isn't a Short: a single unedited vertical take from the driver's seat of a car under a glass roof (green "PLANTS" T-shirt, seatbelt on), with no on-screen text or burned-in captions. He repeats a few phrases as he thinks aloud; quotes below are as spoken. YouTube serves the straw-man Short's thumbnail for this video, so the image above is a frame from the video itself (0:10). Screenshots are one about every 20 s. ## Summary "I've been thinking about how people behave in the comments, in social media in general, and also in my channel." If you were at work, or at a dinner with somebody, and found out whether they "thought evolution was real or whether they believed in God or whatever," you would never behave toward them in person the way we behave in the comments. Some people do, "and I don't like to be around those people," but most of us don't, "and yet we do it so easily in the comments, particularly around certain topics." Those hot buttons often have to do with ideology. "It makes me sad." He's grateful that his commenters are, for the most part, civil to each other. But read the comments and "there's a ton of people that are just jerks," and "that's on both sides": people who believe evolution is real and are "super critical and negative of anyone who's religious at all, including people who are religious who believe in evolution," and "some religious people that are asshats to the people who believe that evolution is real. It's like, why?" His guesses. "I think it's because we're defending something that we're not sure of." Sometimes we've dealt with a certain kind of person in the past who was rude to us, "and so I'm going to be rude back." We "paint this brush stroke": all religious people are this way, or all people who believe in evolution are that way. "Those heuristics are built into our brain. They're one of the things that allowed us to survive. ... But in a civil society we need to fight those heuristics." And sometimes there's an underlying thing we're protecting: "Maybe I'm religious and I actually have doubts about evolution and maybe even doubts about my faith," so I'm more pronounced in my defense of my belief system or my attacks on people who threaten it. "It's the same for more secularly minded people": people who believe evolution happened "can sometimes be not as informed as they would like to be, and so they end up lashing out partially because of ignorance." "This is me saying thank you to those who have civil discourse in the comments. ... I hope that we can continue because that's what makes it fun for me to even do this." ## Outline ### 0:04 In person vs. in the comments - [0:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=4s) "I've been thinking about how people behave in the comments, in social media in general, and also in in my channel." - [0:13](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=13s) "If you were at work or at a family dinner maybe not a family dinner but at a dinner with somebody and you found out what their beliefs were" - [0:27](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=27s) "whether they thought evolution was real or whether they believed in God or whatever." - [0:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=35s) "We would never behave the way toward each other in person that we behave in the comments." ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0003.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0023.webp]] ### 0:44 Hot buttons - [0:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=44s) "Now, certainly some people do and I don't like to be around those people for the most part." - [0:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=50s) "But most of us don't and yet we do it so easily in the comments, particularly around certain topics." - [0:57](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=57s) "There are these hot buttons and those hot buttons have to do with often ideology." - [1:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=70s) "it makes me sad." ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0043.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0063.webp]] ### 1:14 Jerks on both sides - [1:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=74s) "I'm I'm really grateful that people in our comments here for the most part are pretty civil to each other." - [1:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=82s) "There's a ton of people that are just jerks" - [1:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=95s) "and that's on both sides." - [1:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=101s) "people who believe evolution is real and are just super critical and negative of anyone who's religious at all, including people who are religious who believe in evolution." - [2:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=123s) "and some religious people that are asshats to the people who believe that evolution is real." - [2:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=128s) "It's like, why?" ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0083.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0103.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0123.webp]] ### 2:17 Guesses: uncertainty, payback, one brush stroke - [2:17](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=137s) "And I think it's because we're defending something that we're not sure of." - [2:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=152s) "I think sometimes it has to do with we've dealt with a certain kind of person in the past and they were rude to me and so I'm going to be rude back." - [2:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=164s) "We kind of paint this brush stroke of all people who are religious are this way or all people who believe in evolution are this way." - [2:54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=174s) "That's something as humans we just need to try not to do." - [2:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=178s) "Those heuristics are built into our brain. They're one of the things that allowed us to survive." - [3:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=187s) "But in a civil society we need to fight those heuristics." ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0143.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0163.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0183.webp]] ### 3:16 Protecting our doubts - [3:16](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=196s) "But sometimes it's because there's some underlying thing that we're protecting." - [3:21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=201s) "Maybe I'm religious and I actually have doubts about evolution and maybe even doubts about my faith" - [3:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=208s) "and so I am more pronounced in the in my defense of my belief system or in my attacks of people who threaten it." - [3:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=220s) "And I think it's the same for more secularly minded people." - [3:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=223s) "People who believe that evolution actually happened can sometimes be not as informed as they would like to be." - [3:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=233s) "and so they end up lashing out partially because of ignorance." ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0203.webp]] ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0223.webp]] ### 4:01 Thank you - [4:01](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=241s) "So, I This is me saying thank you to those who have civil discourse in the comments." - [4:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=250s) "Thank you." - [4:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VQ4jimQMw&t=254s) "I hope that we can continue because that's what makes it fun for me to even do this." ![[images/Why-Are-We-So-Mean-in-the-Comments-t0243.webp]] ## Anti-evolution argument *None in this video.* It makes no argument for or against evolution and cites no evidence. It's about how people on both sides of the evolution-and-religion debate treat each other in comments. The only remark that touches creationists' views is a hypothetical ("Maybe I'm religious and I actually have doubts about evolution"), offered as a possible reason for defensiveness, not as an argument. ## Answer *No anti-evolution argument to answer. Instead, a check of his guesses about online behavior against the research. Numbers refer to the References table.* ### 1. "We would never behave the way toward each other in person" - This matches what John Suler called "the online disinhibition effect" [R1]. His framework names six factors: dissociative anonymity, invisibility, asynchronicity, solipsistic introjection, dissociative imagination and minimization of authority (the list as summarized in a 2026 scale study built on Suler [R2]; Suler's own text wasn't read). Invisibility and asynchronicity fit his work-or-dinner contrast: no face, no immediate reaction. ### 2. "We kind of paint this brush stroke" - Seeing members of another group as all alike is the out-group homogeneity effect; Quattrone & Jones's 1980 paper studied "the perception of variability within in-groups and out-groups" [R3] (metadata read). That such heuristics "allowed us to survive" is a common evolutionary-psychology explanation that he offers as a guess; it wasn't checked against a source here. ### 3. "We're defending something that we're not sure of" - There's experimental support for a version of this. McGregor & Marigold found that students with high self-esteem "reacted to personal uncertainty-threats with compensatory conviction about unrelated issues and aspects of the self," and that voicing convictions "decreased subjective salience" of the uncertainties [R4]. Note that their uncertainty and convictions were about *unrelated* matters; it supports the general idea rather than doubts about evolution or faith specifically. ### 4. "Rude back to someone who was rude to us once" - Offered as a guess; plausible and not checked against a source here. ## Key takeaways - Most people wouldn't treat someone at work or at dinner the way commenters treat each other over evolution and religion. - He sees the incivility on both sides: secular commenters attacking any religious person (even religious people who accept evolution), and religious commenters attacking those who accept evolution. - His guesses: defending beliefs we're unsure of, payback for past rudeness, and lumping everyone in a group together. - The research on online disinhibition, out-group homogeneity and compensatory conviction roughly fits those guesses. - The video is a thank-you to commenters who stay civil. ## Things mentioned ### Ideas - Online incivility; ideology as a "hot button"; stereotyping ("one brush stroke") and heuristics; defensiveness from doubt; religious people who accept evolution ### Places - Work; a dinner table; social media and YouTube comments ### Links from the description - https://joeliscurious.com · https://www.instagram.com/joeliscurious/ · https://www.tiktok.com/@joeliscurious · https://x.com/JoelisCurious · https://www.youtube.com/@joeliscurious - No sources are listed in this description. ## Claims check | Claim in the video | Verdict | Source or note | |---|---|---| | People behave worse in comments than they would in person | **Supported** | Online disinhibition effect [R1, R2] | | His own commenters are mostly civil | **Not checked** | His impression of his channel | | Incivility comes from both sides (secular and religious) | **Not checked** | His observation; not quantified | | We lump everyone in a group together | **Supported** | Out-group homogeneity [R3] | | Those heuristics are built in and helped us survive | **Plausible, not checked** | Common evolutionary-psychology view; offered as a guess | | We lash out when defending something we're unsure of | **Partly supported** | Compensatory conviction [R4], shown for unrelated issues | | Some secular commenters lash out "partially because of ignorance" | **Not checked** | His opinion | ## References | # | Source | Exists? | Use in the video / role | Link | |---|---|---|---|---| | R1 | John Suler, "The Online Disinhibition Effect," *CyberPsychology & Behavior* 7(3):321-326 (2004) | **Exists** (metadata read) | Added: why people act differently online | [doi:10.1089/1094931041291295](https://doi.org/10.1089/1094931041291295) | | R2 | Zhou, Ma & Wang, "Development and Psychometric Validation of the Chinese Online Disinhibition Scale for Adolescents," *PsyCh Journal* 15(4):e70117 (2026) | **Exists** (abstract read) | Added: lists Suler's six factors | [doi:10.1002/pchj.70117](https://doi.org/10.1002/pchj.70117) | | R3 | Quattrone & Jones, "The perception of variability within in-groups and out-groups: Implications for the law of small numbers," *J Pers Soc Psychol* 38(1):141-152 (1980) | **Exists** (metadata read) | Added: out-group homogeneity | [doi:10.1037/0022-3514.38.1.141](https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.38.1.141) | | R4 | McGregor & Marigold, "Defensive zeal and the uncertain self: what makes you so sure?," *J Pers Soc Psychol* 85(5):838-852 (2003) | **Exists** (abstract read) | Added: compensatory conviction; quotes accurate | [doi:10.1037/0022-3514.85.5.838](https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.5.838) | ### Not found or not checked - The video cites no sources, and its description lists none. - Suler's paper itself and Quattrone & Jones's findings weren't read beyond their metadata. - No source was checked for "heuristics allowed us to survive" or for "rude back" payback. ## Added context - **Series:** a standalone talk, the channel's first upload that isn't a Short. Previous upload: [[Is evolution mathematically impossible]]. - **Related:** [[The straw man (Logical Fallacies, Part 1)]], posted nine minutes later on how we misrepresent people we disagree with, picks up the same theme. - **Earlier pleas for civility:** the description of [[Is evolution mathematically impossible]] says, "Please be kind; the argument is the point, not the people." ## Biographies ### Joel is Curious (the creator) YouTube channel **Joel is Curious**, mostly Shorts, from 2026-10-04. In his own words (video description): "I'm Joel, a software developer and former tech executive who likes to learn stuff. Science, history, Buddhism, Stoicism, and the thinkers behind them." (Sources: the video and its description.)